Invent

2013 October


Open letter to Nien Nunb

niennunbDear Nien,

I wasn’t going to write this letter, but today I have been procrastinating at work and dodging Photoshop and I have been thinking about your role in RETURN OF THE JEDI and the impact your actions will have on people. You don’t get much screen time but you certainly make a big impression with your minge face and blinky eyes. Not only that, but your skills as a pilot must be pretty great to get that job as second-in-command on the leading attack ship in a biggest space battle since BBY.

So why the jokey attitude? You don’t seem to be taking a daring raid against a superior enemy very seriously. I mean, it’s intergalactic war and you’re giggling in your little pilot suit. C’mon, cut that shit out.

I don’t know if it’s some Sullustan thing, but let me tell you those in charge don’t find your behaviour funny. They can’t even understand you. No one can. And yet you continue your mission to distract those around you with reactions of extreme surprise, total confusion or basic amusement. That is not the correct tone to set for the rest of the ┬áRebel pilots.

For example, the ship you were co-piloting, the Millennium Falcon, had a close brush with disaster inside the bowels of the second Death Star when it sheared off its communications dish at high speed. Going ‘WHHAA!’ does not solve the situation nor make it better. You could have avoided that collision if you were concentrating and not trying so hard to impress. And believe me, those crew mates, they don’t give an ounce of shit. They’re more focussed on A) not burning to death and B) saving the lives of their loved ones from a lifetime of tyranny.

I’m sure you know this. You don’t get put next to General Calrissian on a whim. You’re a talented pilot. People look up to you. And it’s your job to set the tone in that cockpit. Drop the facade and get down to the business of zero gravity ship-to-ship close combat.

Your friend,

James

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Cats in Movies

jonesyA few days ago I was trying to think of movies with cats in them (real ones, not some giant CG Garfield monstrosity), because (I think you’ll agree) cats are awesome. I could watch those cute little guys all day. But sadly, after ten minutes of deep thinking, all I could come up with was ALIEN, MILO & OTIS (which is in fact a horrible Japanese pet torture movie) and five seconds of TO CATCH A THIEF. This is not enough cat content. Seriously.

Luckily, my wife heard my call for help. A rapid Google search lead her to a great site with about a million cat movies – http://catsonfilm.wordpress.com. Now my to-watch list is filled with the likes of THAT DARN CAT, HARRY & TONTO and THE THREE LIVES OF THOMASINA. Oh god.

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